Just a sad feeling
I do not know why I just started to cry. Maybe it’s because I fee this pain in my heart….. I wish it’ll go away…
I do not know why I just started to cry. Maybe it’s because I fee this pain in my heart….. I wish it’ll go away…
Today I’ll be happy because the tide have wash all my sadness away and I soon I shall see the rock where I’ve wrote all the things that make me happy.
=)
I love you always and forever… <3
Just another day… No idea what I did… Today I feel tired… No idea why… I have no recollection or memory of how my day seem to have been… I guess I have been engross in something in my subconscious mind… Went for a walk and drew a bit is all I remember.
i saw some people flying kites… Maybe someday I’ll try it. I don’t really know how to fly a kite…
Didn’t talk to Linh much either today… I guess she’s busy… She’s busy often… I hate the time zones…. :/
Spoke to my mom a bit today… Ask me what’s my plans and we talk about some actor and drama I think… Anyway it’s good I guess cause it was less hostile… Although there were still alot of sarcasm….
I’ll sign off with a hope that tomorrow will be a better day… =)
p.s. I seem to find myself losing my sanity… Sometimes I feel there’s nothing for me here… And other days not…
“The life of a man (in a state of nature) is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.” Thomas Hobbes (1588 - 1679)
Today was my first day at work and my whole body aches. I feel so tired and I feel as if my bones are going to fall of then. Well I should be going to sleep but my hunnie is not home yet so I’ll wait for her to come home and then talk to her a bit and then go to sleep.
She told me she had a test today and I wonder how was it. I hope it was ok. I am anxious to know. Hopefully she’ll be home soon.
I don’t know why lately I often have nightmares. They seem so real and sometimes I wake up and I feel the pain and sometimes there are cuts on me.
I often wake up with tears in my eyes and fear in my heart. I feel weak as if I have been in the battleground.
When I wake up I hope to see a familiar face but then it’s me alone again. I come from a family of five. I have a brother, a sister, a mom a dad (pass away) and myself. Five of us. I use to have a dog but he’s in heaven now. (Dogs go to heaven and cats go to hell… to me)
My bro told me I am a disgrace to him and and my sis told me what a LOSER I am. My mom, I believe she loves me alot well only when she’s ok. When her mood is not good due to gambling losses well to most abusive words can find their way out of her mouth. She can go to church and pray all she wants but the words can write a new book on abusive language. Lately she kinda destroyed my fan by throwing it at me. Well I was reminded what a LOSER I am compared to my bro and sis. Yet they both do not want to be with her.
The only familiar face I have is my hunnie. I love her alot… In my worst nights I know she’ll always be there for me. My greatest fear is losing her… I can tell her everything she’ll just listen and comfort me. Great isn’t it. :)
It’s been awhile since I last wrote here… Over the past few days I’ve been feeling down cause of work, passing of a friend and because I felt I was losing my life and my hunnie…
It’s hard to survive when you’re down on luck… But last night… I felt so close to my hunnie… I felt so nice… Loved…. Even though I had a quarrel with my mom… I don’t understand girls at all… When you tell them they are beautiful and amazing they will say no… When you say it’s true… They will say no and get angry…. Why can’t they just say thanks…. It’s much easier right…
Anyway I had a long talk with my hunnie yesterday and I feel good… =)
I just hope soon I get a new job….
Its hard to stay calm and be brave when someone you known all your life dies. Today a friend I’ve know for many years died of brain cancer. I try not to cry or to feel sad. I don’t know why but I just want to shut the whole incident out of my head. I feel fear and sadness…
I wish my hunnie was here to hug me and give me courage… Somehow I feel lately things seem different… Maybe because I ask too much and expect too much…
When I was a kid, I used to get bullied and the things I like most were always taken away from me to be given to other people. Sometimes if I am lucky I get to hold it for an hour or maybe more sometimes less… If I am unlucky I just get to see it and next its gone. I use to feel sad and cry after all what does a kid know… And when I cried I’ll be punished. So as time grew by I learn not to cry and I never did anymore for a long long time.
I don’t feel like writing anymore for now…………… So maybe I’ll continue or maybe I wont……………….
My hunnie is a Uni student… =)
Its not September… 5 minths before my hunnie visit me…
Its 5:40am now I am lying o my bed, I think I got to talk a bit more with my hunnie tonight… I am not sure though… I doze of a few times… So less talk :/
Most important I had no nightmares… I don’t know why lately my hunnie don’t seem to like talking to me. I see her yet i feel so far… (I am not sure if I am making any sense)… Well no matter what, I will always love my hunnie a lot…
It suddenly started to rain and I am tempted to go for a run… I do not know why I feel so insecure. I wish my hunnie is here to hug me and tell me she love me… I wish I can hear her voice now…
My migraine seems to be back and my running nose started again… I guess I should just eat some meds and try to sleep…
I love my hunnie a lot. ♥ Muacks ♥~
Today I woke up at 10am… Did my laundry and went for a walk in the park… Saw children play, run along, saw a dog chasing his best friend a gray cat and and old man about 80 walking hand in hand with his wife who was about the same age and their great grand children. They look so sweet…
I hope one day me and Lynn will also be like them… Holding hands walking in the park playing with our great grand kids… It’s a far dream but it’s a good one… I know if possible once a months the whole family should get together to make pau… Lolz…
Somehow or rather every time I have the thought of making pau with Lynn, I’ll smile and feel happy…
To me happiness is being with the person you love and also knowing they love you… =)
For me I am glad the person I love…. Love me back so much… <3
I not been writing for the past few days because I’ve been having a pretty rough week…
First my boss decided to disappear with company/s money and also my money and then I find out he has 2 mistresses in which 1 of then is 16 years old. He conveniently got both of them pregnant…
Well what can I say… Oh well!!!
Then I realize my hunnie is hapily adding people on her fb even those she hardly know… I find it strange cause everyone in my fb is my real friend… Well pretty much as in 90%…
I guess I can’t say much as it is her character and if I say more a quarrel will occur… Well I still spoke my mind and apparently I think she got offended… Ok so I am silly…
What I did today was I took a drive to up hills where the weather is cooling and relaxing… I wanted to be alone to try to think through all my problems… My hunnie to the rescue… She like always is there to help me out… (I am lucky to have her)… (I may not like some of her ways, but she’s the best)… Well now I just need to talk to the people and resolve the matter with them… (If I can)…
I notice that my hunnie is at times like a magnet… She just attracts people… (Ok!!! I am a little jealous)… Her fan club seems to be growing by the day… Everyone wanna ger her autograph and so sometimes I feel she just park me a side.. :(
How sad….!!! But I really feel that way… She use to tell me when she join chat rooms but now it’s kinda like my hubby don’t need to know and the next day she has a list of new friends… (Now I am really jealous… LOLz)…
I just hope someday… My hunnie can give me 100% of her undivided time so I can have more of her… I really hate having to share her time… She denies it but then I am the one feeling it… :/
All in all… I love my hunnie very much and I hope I’ll always be her No. 1… She’s the best…
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